What to say when…
A CCPT-Informed Parenting Guide
Children often communicate big feelings through their behaviour. It can be hard to know what to say in the moment that won’t derail the feelings, shame the child or unintentionally praise a behaviour. In Child-Centred Play Therapy, we focus on responding with connection, empathy, and clear boundaries, rather than reacting to the behaviour itself.
Below are CCPT-aligned phrases you can use in everyday moments—whether a child is crying, yelling, hitting, or even showing kindness.
It’s important to note that this approach is not a permissive style of parenting. In CCPT, we always accept the emotion, but we do not condone the behaviour. A key focus is helping children learn that their actions have consequences and that they are responsible for their behaviour—not their parents, siblings, or peers. Our role is not to control them, but to support them in developing self-control, even when emotions feel big and overwhelming. We do this by building their emotional vocabulary in the moment—when the feelings are raw, intense, and real—so they can gradually learn to understand and manage those emotions themselves.
When a Child Is Upset or Crying
The goal in CCPT is to reflect feelings, show presence, and create emotional safety.
You can say:
“You’re really upset right now.”
“Your angry at me for doing that”
“You think its unfair.”
“Your so sad about that”
“Your so frustrated ”
These responses validate the child’s emotional experience so they feel seen and supported.
When a Child Is Angry
Anger is often a signal of frustration, overwhelm, or feeling powerless.
You can say:
“You’re really angry about this.”
“You really don’t like what’s happening.”
“Your furious they took that”
“Your annoyed it turned out that way”
When a child feels understood, the intensity often decreases.
When a Child Is Hitting or Getting Physical
In CCPT, limits are set in a calm, simple, and predictable format.
Try to avoid starting with “ I can’t let you” as this implies that you are responsible for the child’s actions.
You can say:
“ Your furious, the wall is not for punching, you can choose to punch the pillow or punch the couch”
“Your so angry at her, Your sister is not for hitting, You can choose to hit the couch or hit the floor”
This sets safety + acceptance at the same time. Provide alternative options that meet the child’s needs (to throw, to hit etc)
When a Child Says Hurtful Things
Children often use hurtful words to show overwhelm or unmet emotional needs—not because they truly mean them.
You can say:
“You’re really struggling right now.”
“You’re telling me you’re upset. I’m right here.”
This protects your boundary without powering up or shaming the child. Although difficult try to not take what is said to heart and just reframe it as a cry for help that they haven’t yet developed the emotional vocabulary to truly explain how they feel.
When a Child Helps, Shows Kindness, or Tries Hard
CCPT uses specific, descriptive feedback instead of praise, because it boosts internal motivation and self-worth.
Instead of “Good job,” try:
“You helped your sister. That was thoughtful.”
“You worked really hard on that puzzle.”
“You figured out a way to solve the problem.”
“You took care of your things. You noticed what needed doing.”
“That was kind”
This helps children build confidence based on their actions and effort—not adult approval.
Why These Responses Matter
These CCPT-aligned phrases help children:
Understand their own feelings
Feel emotionally safe with adults
Learn boundaries without shame
Build resilience and self-regulation
Develop empathy and problem-solving skills
